Blog

A Good Apology is an Acknowledgement
“I’m afraid if I tell him I’m sorry, then it will confirm what he already thinks – that I’m a bad person.”  
 
This came from a woman who had recently disclosed her affairs to her partner, and was now dealing with the aftermath.  The partner raged and despaired, felt impotent and useless, and above all was deeply hurt.  He desperately needed to hear something from her, but neither of them knew how to proceed.  
 
He first asked for all the details – who,

Read More

Opening Up
Am I the only one comparing “opening up” social spaces to the process of connecting with new partners?
As we talk about opening our businesses and homes to more people, I keep thinking about my experience in consensual nonmonogamy and how those skills have prepared me for this moment.
For instance, when I’m in a relationship and I want to add sexual and/or emotional intimacy with new people, I discuss it with my current partners.  We assess levels of risk for various forms of contact, who is more vulnerable,

Read More

In these turbulent waters, I am sometimes riding the wave, feeling resilient in the chaos – clear and ready for what’s to come.  Other times, I am tumbling under, doing my best to avoid the rocks and get enough air to keep churning through it.  Perhaps you know what I mean.
 
I’ve struggled to write a consistent message about caring for mental health during this pandemic.  Should I normalize how crazy and terrible this might feel?  Should I talk about how to get out of the amygdala response of fight

Read More

Since we will be meeting by telehealth until this coronavirus pandemic cools down, I’d like to share some tips to facilitate our best experience together.

Phone
I truly appreciate therapy by phone.  It provides a sense of personal space and privacy, and you may feel more able to relax and speak freely.  I have utilized it for years, both as a client and as a therapist.  I have witnessed clients going deeper and accessing new breakthroughs when we met by phone.  We
all relate differently to proximity to others,

Read More

A funny thing happened the other week. Grace Ballard, famous for her lead role in “Sex Machina,” popped into existence as a character in the movie “Murder Mystery.” Consequently, Grace Ballard the Sex Therapist (that’s me), has received some unusual attention. While I appreciate a lazy layout on a yacht and high speed chases through Italy, I must confess I am not the envious heiress suspected of murder.
If you are seeking a moderately paced ramble through the workings of your mind, you have come to the

Read More

Therapy can feel confusing, and sometimes we get stuck, not knowing where to go next.  Here are few tips for what you can do in your session, and how to make the most of this unique opportunity.
 
 

Fluff the Hour.  Build in time before and after your session to journal or take a few notes.  We only spend 50 minutes together, but a lot can happen during that time. Show up early and allow time to notice what’s percolating in you, or take notes throughout the week about thoughts

Read More

The Good Lover
 
What does it mean to be a good lover?  Have you ever thought about your criteria – I mean, really thought about it?  
 
We’re fed a lot of ideas on how to perform sex.  You know those magazine covers in the checkout line offering “11 Sex Positions to Spice Up the Most Boring Bedroom” and “14 Sex Secrets You’ll Both Lose Your Mind Over.”  While I’m all for playing and experimenting, I’m struck by the underlying message, that you better keep it interesting to

Read More

We Are Not Defined by Our Relationships
 
You are not defined by the people that you date, nor by the absence of dating, nor by the configuration of your current relationship, nor even by your choice of a long-term partner.  The dynamics of your current relationship do not negate your previous loves.
 
Similar to this question of “Am I Queer Enough?,” I hear people question their own and others’ identities based on who a person is dating.  For instance, someone identifies as queer and finds themselves in love

Read More

What is a Sex Therapist?
You may have wondered what a sex therapist does, as I’ve labeled myself as one on social media and my website.  Not long ago, I would have wondered this myself.  So I thought I would spend a moment telling you what this role means to me.
I help people explore aspects of their sexuality, identity or relationship dynamics.  We talk about desire, connection, and sexual function. People come to me because they are experiencing out of control sexual behavior, sex addiction, or unwanted sexual behavior.   Others show

Read More

Recently, a friend joked that people get into polyamorous relationships because they have a fetish for emotional processing.  We laughed, because we know that while consensual non-monogamy often conjures a fantasy about having lots of sex, in reality it’s often about having some sex and lots of conversations.
Excellent and frequent communication is vital to maintaining poly constellations.  Our needs look different, and we come to relationships with a great deal of assumptions – many that are deeply woven through the unconscious fabric of upbringing and culture.
There’s much to say on

Read More