Blog

Jealousy
 
I think of jealousy as a blanket term that points to many different feelings.  When we dig down into what we’re really experiencing, we see that it’s not just simple “jealousy” but rather a mix of hopes, fears, and unmet needs that are getting expressed.  Once we understand what we really want, then we can make effective requests or coping strategies. 
 
Reid Mihalko and Dr. Beth talk about the 8-Armed Octopus of Jealousy.  The arms are:
 

Loneliness
Need to feel special
Fairness/equity
Loss/fear of abandonment 
Rejection

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Mainstream awareness about consensual nonmonogamy (CNM) has come a long way since I first read The Ethical Slut a couple decades ago.  Books like Polysecure have further developed what secure attachment can look like with more than one partner.
However, the heteronormative ideal of the monogamous couple has remained the dominant vision for love and romantic relationship.  I truly don’t believe that any particular model of relationship is superior.  But I do find that in straying from dominant models, we are tasked with forging our own path.  We have to figure

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Years before my own abortion, I grew up escorting patients into the only clinic in my state, while protestors hurled insults and plastic fetuses at them.  The protestors carried enormous signs depicting grotesque (and inaccurate) images, and used them to physically block the entrance to the clinic.  The medical providers received bomb threats, and sometimes violence erupted outside on the sidewalk.  
I loved creating a physical barrier around patients as they made their way into the front doors.  Sometimes they cried and covered their faces, other times they looked straight

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Today’s post comes from Imi Lo at eggshelltherapy.com.  Imi works with emotionally intense and highly sensitive people, and is the author of several books, including Emotional Sensitivity and Intensity, and The Gift of Intensity.  She also hosts a great podcast.
 
I was so struck by this essay that I had to share it.  Imi articulates this concept of loving a place or hobby or life mission as deeply if not more so than the love we celebrate for people.  I feel this frequently.  If you’ve struggled to explain your desire

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Elizabeth and I are starting a new group!  This is a great opportunity to test out relational skills and learn more about yourself.  Get in touch with me if you’re interested in learning more.
 

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How to Fail
 
My MMA coach, LA Jennings, asked if I would speak to a group of fighters about mentally preparing for competition.  For 8 weeks leading up to their fight, they enter “fight camp,” in which diet is monitored, training intensifies, and the roller coaster of hope and fear begins.  So on a Sunday afternoon in LA and Mike’s home, after the hungry athletes housed all of her fight-camp-approved snacks, we settled into the living room for a chat.
 
With competition looming just a few weeks ahead, I

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Swipe Dating
Since getting vaccinated, I’ve been going on dates.  This means swiping through apps then meeting strangers IRL.  (Side note: if we work together therapeutically, and you spot me on the apps, I recommend you swipe left and I’ll do the same.  Then let’s talk about it in session.)  
What a tremendous resource we have at our fingertips!  And, wow, there are a lot of people at this party.  It can feel daunting to find the right connections.
Dating online has offered me tremendous insight into the varied mindsets of

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This is Awkward
 
We’ve been navigating the new art of social distancing and connection.  We each decide what that means to us –  ranging from whether we even believe precaution is necessary to the stakes being so high that we choose not to see anyone at all.  Then we collaborate with others, bumping against our differences, while trying to maintain social norms of yore.  It can get weird quick.  
 
I know we’re not supposed to shake hands, but you’re holding yours out.
 
I’m thrilled you invited me to

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Facing our History in the Present
Growing up in Louisville, KY as a young, full-throttled activist, anti-racist work threaded itself through the fabric of my life.  I spent much of my time protesting, organizing, publishing, and discussing power and oppression.  And yet, even with decades of probing my own racism and systemic oppression, I continue to discover that this is a process of waking up only to fall asleep once again.
The video showing the brutal lynching of George Floyd woke me up.
Combating racism and white supremacy requires ongoing work,

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