The Love of Your Life May Not Be a Person

Today’s post comes from Imi Lo at eggshelltherapy.com.  Imi works with emotionally intense and highly sensitive people, and is the author of several books, including Emotional Sensitivity and Intensity, and The Gift of Intensity.  She also hosts a great podcast.
 
I was so struck by this essay that I had to share it.  Imi articulates this concept of loving a place or hobby or life mission as deeply if not more so than the love we celebrate for people.  I feel this frequently.  If you’ve struggled to explain your desire

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How to Fail

How to Fail
 
My MMA coach, LA Jennings, asked if I would speak to a group of fighters about mentally preparing for competition.  For 8 weeks leading up to their fight, they enter “fight camp,” in which diet is monitored, training intensifies, and the roller coaster of hope and fear begins.  So on a Sunday afternoon in LA and Mike’s home, after the hungry athletes housed all of her fight-camp-approved snacks, we settled into the living room for a chat.
 
With competition looming just a few weeks ahead, I

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Sailing the Wild Seas of Tinder

Swipe Dating
Since getting vaccinated, I’ve been going on dates.  This means swiping through apps then meeting strangers IRL.  (Side note: if we work together therapeutically, and you spot me on the apps, I recommend you swipe left and I’ll do the same.  Then let’s talk about it in session.)  
What a tremendous resource we have at our fingertips!  And, wow, there are a lot of people at this party.  It can feel daunting to find the right connections.
Dating online has offered me tremendous insight into the varied mindsets of

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Join My Contemplative and Interpersonal Training Group

I’m a big fan of groups, with their potential to amplify what we are up to in our relationships.  If you are curious about how you relate to others, how people perceive you, why interpersonal patterns show up again and again in your life, consider exploring these questions in my upcoming group.  This group will take place online, and is available to people in any location.
 

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How to COVID with Friends and Lovers

This is Awkward
 
We’ve been navigating the new art of social distancing and connection.  We each decide what that means to us –  ranging from whether we even believe precaution is necessary to the stakes being so high that we choose not to see anyone at all.  Then we collaborate with others, bumping against our differences, while trying to maintain social norms of yore.  It can get weird quick.  
 
I know we’re not supposed to shake hands, but you’re holding yours out.
 
I’m thrilled you invited me to

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Black Lives Matter

Facing our History in the Present
Growing up in Louisville, KY as a young, full-throttled activist, anti-racist work threaded itself through the fabric of my life.  I spent much of my time protesting, organizing, publishing, and discussing power and oppression.  And yet, even with decades of probing my own racism and systemic oppression, I continue to discover that this is a process of waking up only to fall asleep once again.
The video showing the brutal lynching of George Floyd woke me up.
Combating racism and white supremacy requires ongoing work,

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How to Apologize

A Good Apology is an Acknowledgement
“I’m afraid if I tell him I’m sorry, then it will confirm what he already thinks – that I’m a bad person.”  
 
This came from a woman who had recently disclosed her affairs to her partner, and was now dealing with the aftermath.  The partner raged and despaired, felt impotent and useless, and above all was deeply hurt.  He desperately needed to hear something from her, but neither of them knew how to proceed.  
 
He first asked for all the details – who,

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Please Wear Your Face Condom

Opening Up
Am I the only one comparing “opening up” social spaces to the process of connecting with new partners?
As we talk about opening our businesses and homes to more people, I keep thinking about my experience in consensual nonmonogamy and how those skills have prepared me for this moment.
For instance, when I’m in a relationship and I want to add sexual and/or emotional intimacy with new people, I discuss it with my current partners.  We assess levels of risk for various forms of contact, who is more vulnerable,

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It’s Okay to Feel Like Sh!t!

In these turbulent waters, I am sometimes riding the wave, feeling resilient in the chaos – clear and ready for what’s to come.  Other times, I am tumbling under, doing my best to avoid the rocks and get enough air to keep churning through it.  Perhaps you know what I mean.
 
I’ve struggled to write a consistent message about caring for mental health during this pandemic.  Should I normalize how crazy and terrible this might feel?  Should I talk about how to get out of the amygdala response of fight

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